The Opportunist

Lately this idea crossed my mind that I am nothing but merely a miserable opportunist. I live my life hopping from one opportunity to another. I finished my study with quite good grades just to be able to get a good job opportunity. I work in a field I don’t really put interest in just because I’ve got the opportunity. I changed workplace just because it was an opportunity to get paid more. I stayed on the mobile application field just because the work opportunity was higher than if I changed field. Etc etc. No serious concern or passion is involved in what I do. All are done just in order to live more comfortably, or just to keep everything in its place.

But then again I think I’m not the only one. There are lots of similar people around me. The difference is they never seem to give it a thought. And it just makes me want to change even more. I don’t want to be like that. I want to do things from the heart. I want to have something to hold on to, whatever the weather is. Like insane professors who do their researches scrupulously with tremendously long span of time. It’s really something.

Tags: job, Life, work

In Search of Scholarship for Master Study

A few days ago, I got this email with the name “Helene GOODSIR” on its “From” field. Yes I did know what it was about because I had been waiting for it all these time. It was an email from the coordinator of a master study program held in France and Spain that I applied to. The email stated that I am short-listed for the program but unfortunately I am not in their main list of the scholarship grant receivers. Therefore, I have to look for other source(s) of funding if I still want to join the program.

Then I thought to myself that I will think about it later because frankly speaking I am not into that for the time being. It’s nice to envision myself strolling around at a public park somewhere in Paris in a nice afternoon, but my current self don’t want to indulge in such thought. I still have time to think about that anyway.

Cheers!

Tags: master, scholarship

Waking up in the morning

I always get up at around 7 AM lately, no matter what time I go to bed the night before. I go to bed at 9, I wake up at 7. I go to bed at 12, I wake up at 7. And last night, I went to bed at 2.30 AM or 3.00 AM, and ended up awaken at 7.10. It left me feeling vertiginous now.

It’s actually nothing new for me, that my body tunes its rhythm through the time it wakes up, not through how long I have slept. I should’ve been thankful for that since it prevents me from lateness. But once in a while I of course want to turn off the functionality, so that I can have more sleep after a long night staying awake at 7-11. And I always fail, except on weekends.

Plus, it is not the time I wake up that really matters because in the end, I still always come late to the office, despite waking up quite early. It’s what I do in the morning. I always find something interesting, time-consuming to do in the morning: chatting, checking twitter, wading through facebook, applying facial mask, self-manicure, daydreaming, and writing a post like what I’m doing now.

And after all this time, I still love morning. Though I’m kinda cheating with night now

Tags: daily life, morning

Planning on IELTS practice

Holiday is coming! Praise the lord! With quite a tight budget, I don’t expect much from this holiday. Instead, I collected nasty things that I thought would be nice company for me throughout the holiday: IELTS test materials. Ewwwwww…..

There’s always the first time for everything. For me, the IELTS thingy’s first time was yesterday that I took a step downloading an IELTS ebook guide and its complemental audio files from demonoid.me, a torrent website. The ebook is named “Cambridge IELTS 7″. Ok I was glad I downloaded it now and developed some kind of peace of mind from it. I was so proud of myself that I had gone that far. It’s a huge leap in Indri’s life.

Then I remember I had to work and leave the sweet thing safe in its home, “Download” folder. Ok then I got back to work. And work. Work. Work. And work til I got bored (it only took 10 mins by the way). My bored mind then started to wander and seek for its consolation. Too bad I couldn’t disturb my fussy boss or my funny big fat friend since they were away to Mongolia for the whole week. (Don’t ask me why they could land their ass in Mongolia. Life could be so funny at times). And Dealkeren? No good deals today. And there was really nothing else I could do that the only thing came across my mind was looking up the sweet IELTS ebook.

And I actually opened it up! And listened to the audio files. And did the exercise. Holy shit it was quite difficult. Difficult to keep my eyes on it. It was so boaring (oops, bad spelling i know! :p). But I kept on doing religiously. But only for the listening and reading sections. The rest, the writing and speaking sections are impossible to do without help from other person. And I am so afraid to start practicing on the writing section since for all I know my writing has just got worse now

Well, that’s all from me today. Happy holiday everyone!

Tags: boared, holiday, IELTS

Rien Que de la Merde

Bonjour! Je voulais vraiment faire du blog en francais mais je n’ai pas eu le temps. Le temps pour ecrire le texte et pour visiter Google Translate et traduire tous le textes Oui, j’apprends le français, la langue d’amour, pour plus de 3 mois maintenant. Je vais au CCF parce que c’est marche. J’aime le cours car le professeur et la professeure enseignent tres bien. Plus, les amis sont tres agreable. Il vaut vraiment la peine.

Phew. So here it is. I promised myself to make a post in French to enhance my study of French in CCF. But unfortunately, it turned out so difficult. They are right. Learning French could be a pain in the arse. I’ve been trying to expand my vocabulary but then got stuck trying to remember CONJUGATIONS of the words I have learned before. Yes, conjugation is the CULPRIT! Why should we change every verb we use when changing person? It makes me have to look back to past lessons every once in a while and can’t move fast forward. Merde! With a slow development of vocabulary like this, I only learn a bit each session. And after more than three months of the course, I only end up being fluent in saying “Je ne sais pas” and “Je ne comprends pas” :p

Despite the difficulties I’m having, I still have some faith in the course. Tribute to Mme. Titin, “une petite femme” who always seems to be energetic and enthusiastic in delivering the materials. I really like her style of teaching. She forced us to speak and to THINK in French. She doesn’t allow herself to explain something to us in other language. For example when we ask the meaning of a French word, she will try her best to paraphrase it in French even though most of the time, we can understand what she means after 3-4 attempts. Thank God you are so unlike me, Madame. I would give up explaining something if the listener doesn’t get it in the first try. I’d rather say “forget it”.

Why does it matter so much to me? Because that way, we don’t have to translate the French to our mother language and convert it back to French. It’s such a waste of effort and is a big mistake in learning a new language. In order to be able to learn a new language fast, we have to position ourself as a toddler who doesn’t know other language than the one he is learning. He doesn’t have to experience the confusion of switching back and forth between two languages.

One thing I notice is my classmates seem to approach it wrongly. They are so obsessed with notes. Most of them are busy to take notes all the time. I think it’s okay to take notes once in a while, but of course notes isn’t all there is to a language course! There are other things like interaction with teacher, listening to songs in that language, watching movies, reading newspapers or magazines, etc. There are a lot of fun ways to learn a foreign language. Oh do I forget something? Learn from a native, a hot one!

God, forgive me.

Forgive me for ignoring my blog for almost two months.

I wish the most generous, most omnipotent god will forgive me for not updating this blog for a long time. It’s a big big sin, I know. Now I am taking a lunch break time at the office to make this post to show some remorse.

And I also want to say sorry to some people who happen to had read my blog and somehow revisited this blog only to find a dirty abandoned space. I am so much absorbed with things around me lately, like work, course, and such. I know I should not make it as an excuse since there are many great busy people in the world who make regular update to their blog. Therefore I humbly beg your apologies.

Sincerely yours,
Indri

Accepting Others’ Changes

I had reunion with my old friends a few weeks ago. Well, not really old anyway, they’re my high school friends and it has only been 5 years since I left high school. I’m still young, you know! *smug* Okay, we had talks about many things from Indonesia Menyala to Stephen Hawking to documentary films concerning animal slaughterhouse. Damn you smart girls! We were supposed to have girls talk and gossiping! Or not? Haha.

After the conversation went on, we learned that one of us has a thought to convert into a vegetarian. She said she was inspired by that documentary films and some Hindu scripture. How thoughtful of her! We realized that she has been going through changes from a cheerful carefree girl to a thoughtful and serious girl. Well, she still has the joy and cheer inside her of course, but she is different now. Nevertheless, I am fine with it.

Basically, people are what their surrounding form them. After some time we don’t meet our friends, we live different lives, we have different circle of friends, we change. One thing which is always sure is change. Yes, change is unavoidable. What matters is how we deal with people’s change.

I’m currently learning how to accept changes from people around me. Yeah, just as change itself is a process, so is the gradual movement toward accepting it. We can take one step at a time to do this. Maybe we can start from texting or chatting with old friends and see where they differ now. Learn what they are like now, and don’t judge yet. Do not stereotype. Just because we see them with messy hair and smelly body when we pass their house when jogging in the morning doesn’t mean that they are hippies now. Then take a step further, hanging out together. If we’re not comfortable directly talking about each other’s new different lives, talk about something in the past while slowly mixing it up with the current lives.

It is very important to accept changes of your friends if you want a long-lasting friendship. It may not be very comfortable at first, to see the person you used to know familiarly now turned into someone you barely know, maybe. But instead of walking away from them, I think it’s better to embrace the change and celebrate it together. At least you learn something new in life: your friends’ new self.

If the change is up to the point where you can’t take anymore, maybe you’re a priest and your old besty is now a drug dealer, well you can always leave. Dedicate a night to reminisce, looking back at your sweet old memories together before having a farewell.

I myself have been through a lot of changes these recent years. Be it from outer appearance or way of thinking. I can say that among high school and uni friends, I am the one who changed the most. Yeah, most people know that I used to wear veil since junior high school. I had always been a nice and studious girl. Well, that was some time ago. Now I am more fun loving and open to new things. One thing I know that hasn’t changed in me is I’m still a chronic introvert.

But now that I have changed, I am sure people talk much about me behind my back, but luckily for me (and unluckily for them) I put very little care to what others say about me. As long as I try to be good to them, I won’t have to worry about a thing. Well, that’s just my nature.

Tags: change, friendship, Life

Men and Liveliness

A college friend of mine used to say this to me, “When I first saw you, I thought you were ill. You looked like you don’t have life in your body. Fragile and so easy to break.” Bahhh,, daaaammmmnnn…

Lately I encountered things that allow me to learn much about life. I’m lucky I got to know many guys who are great. They have one thing in common: liveliness. They are all passionate and lively. Two words I never comprehend. They are always moving. They know where they’re standing, and where to go after this. Most of them have vivid ambition in their minds. One of them wants to be a movie director, another wanna be a businessman, and one of them even wants to be a president!

I usually think to myself, “Guys, you are so cool! How can I be like you all?” I never know what I want for my life. I just let everything flow. I may have ambition for the next one year or so, but that’s all! I can’t think of what I wanna be in 10 or 20 years. I see my life as random successions of event that leads me somewhere I don’t know. Aspiration is something I need. Not plan. I already have so many plans in my head, each of them are unconnected dots. Cluttered and lay here and there in my brain. I wanna make a photography project with a friend, I wanna take a french course (I have, now), I want an advancement in my current career, I wanna make a novel, I wanna get an abroad scholarship, I wanna go around the world, but they’re not aspirations! I want a purpose, a destination. Where are you??

But then I think to myself again, “Relax, take it easy. You may don’t know what you wanna do now. Just keep moving. Try everything you want. In fact, try every single thing. You’ll eventually know what you want (hopefully).” I once read an advice sounding like this from a Nobel laureate in economics but he actually studied mathematics in university. Thanks Prof, you light up my heart.

Back to men thingy. Oh how I love men! So even though I’ve just had a breakup with my 4 years boyfriend, relax, I’m still miiiiiles away from being a lesbo. A bi is still likely tho, hahaha. I love having technical conversation with them. They always talk about ideas, phenomenons, events. So little “curcol” involved. I love listening to them. It’s like free lessons and I like that.

My ex is a very lively person. He is passionate about almost all things, especially movies and britpop music. And religion. And also cool stuffs on the Internet. And weird stuffs, for example “Dead Fred”. And so many other “ands”.

I know a friend who is very very lively. He seems to enjoy his life so much. He smokes (hard), he drinks, he dives, he travels, he laughs, he loves, he makes love. It’s always nice to see life through his eyes.

And I also know a friend who is very ambitious about what he’s doing. He sleeps for only 4 hours a day and he works his ass out in the other 20 hours.

Another guy told me to move on with my life. He said no point in always looking back. The future will bring so much to you if you keep your eyes open to the world. Now he’s moving on to a better employer than his previous one.

And the guy who happened to be my supervisor. He’s a real hardworker. He sets out a very good example for me.

And a strange guy who knows so many things. Do so many things. He’s a DJ for almost 10 years now. He makes music. He does breakdance. He did modelling. He went to 3 different universities. He has his own company. He ever went bankrupt. He has so many relations and colleagues. He now has a duck farm in Lembang. He almost make it to SuperChef but cancelled for he had to do “umroh” pilgrimage at that time. And he’s only 25!

I’m trying to grasp what it means now to be lively. How to live a life to the fullest. Either it’s with a vivid clear destination in my mind, or I still have to search for it, I will do what I have to do nicely. I’ll put extra effort to what I’m doing and put a life in it. I want to live!

Ode Lagi buat Sahabat Saya

Bersamamu terasa indah
Namun yeah, hidup jadi terlampau mudah
Someone’s right, aku perlu ditantang
Lepas dari sarangmu, aku akan belajar terbang

Sangat tolol membiarkanmu menjauh
Dengan satu alasan jenuh
Tapi bukan itu, evolusi diri telah terjadi
Dan kini harus waras kita sikapi

Kita yang naif bicara cinta
Menuding bodoh pada yang dibuat gila
Sembari malah terperosok jauh berdua
Dengan berani proklamasikan cita-cita bersama

Rasa ku bangun dari tidur panjang sekali
Lelah empat tahun bermimpi
Namun ingin terlelap lagi
Tak sudi terjaga sendiri
Teringat lengan hangatmu melingkari

I see couples walking on the street
Hand in hand, eyes meet
I wanna scream in their face
Why do all I feel is emptiness!

Call me galau, galuh, galing, or garing
Maybe you find this rant annoying
I’m just feeling unwell, kinda
But I promise I’ll be okay, I’ll be superokay haha

You were, you are, and you will always be my best friend
The test of time, it will stand
Maybe to me now these all don’t make sense
But someday I’ll know, I’ll understand

Tags: friendship, Life, relationship

Ode buat teman-teman saya

Kami kacung koding di perusahaan IT cukup ternama
Di kelas terbawah hirarki kami berada
Upah kami memang tak seberapa
Yah,, hanya cukup untuk bertahan hidup ala kadarnya di Jakarta

Tapi waktu adalah milik kami
Saat pukul tujuh di jalan raya ribuan pekerja dari segala kasta telah menjejali
Kami masih mengarungi alam mimpi
Kantuk masih menyelimuti, hasil nongkrong sampai pagi di warung indomi

Pukul 1 tengah malam bos mengirim pesan BBM
Bukan, bukan tentang pekerjaan
Melainkan titah untuk bergabung menyusuri jalanan malam ibukota
Di mobil kita lagukan semua yang terdengar di telinga

Lalu kongkow kongkow bergalau
Mengobrol asyik, duduk duduk cantik
Menikmati dua tiga, atau empat batang kretek serta segelas dua gelas kopi

Saat deadline mendera, cerita lain lagi
Sampai pagi kami beraksi
Memeras otak, juga menjajal trik-trik dari para ahli
Tapi tak usah lara sendiri, banyak kawan menemani
Walau deadline, atau semideadline datang hampir setiap hari

Kami ini bukannya tidak cerdas, kami mungkin hanya lugu
Untuk pekerjaan, kami siap memberikan hampir seluruh tenaga dan waktu
Weekend bukan alasan untuk tidak bekerja
Jika memang perlu, kami tak ragu berkata “ya”

Ya, di sini memang sangat menyenangkan
Semua masalah tak pernah terpikir
Lenyap bersama senyum hangat teman-teman
Tapi hidup harus berlanjut, masa depan harus disambut
Seiring bertambah usia, kebutuhan materi semakin terasa

Lalu satu per satu teman pergi
Melanjutkan hidup di tempat baru
Kami yang tersisa masih belum bergeming
Walau dalam hati juga menyimpan mimpi masing-masing